Thursday, September 6, 2012

Never Again: Plaid Shorts

The brother of the dreaded cargo shorts, plaid shorts are not much better. They could even be worse in certain situations.These blew up as a fad when I was in high school. I had a few pairs, I'm not going to lie. They were cool at the time, but then college came and it was time to upgrade my style. Apparently I'm the only one who felt the need to do this because my college campus is littered with men still wearing these pants. Even as a college senior, I see people in my classes sporting these like they just stepped out of an American Eagle photo shoot. Enough is enough, and I can't bite my tongue any longer.

Just like before, here are a few reasons why you should retire these hideous shorts for someone who is, well, retired. (after the jump)

1. Plaid is for shirts, blankets, and the pants of the 1970's. I love a good plaid flannel button down. Who doesn't? But to put something like this on pants is just stupid. It reminds me of the stereotypical golfer outfit that you see in cartoons. It does nothing for anyone's body shape and is personally just way too loud for me.

2. It was a high school fad. Remember when we all had to have the ripped jeans with paint splattered all over them? Or even the shirts and sweatshirts from Hollister that had paint on them? I do. I loved my paint splattered hoodie, but once I got to college I realized that it was time to grow out of high school fads. I also can almost guarantee stores don't sell these plaid shorts anymore so if you have them, they are probably the ones you had in high school. Reflect in on yourself for a second and ask yourself why you are wearing something that you wore throughout your high school career. It's time to grow up.

3. No one who isn't completely incoherent and/or blacked out is going to fuck you. Self explanatory.

I could go on, but I think number 3 really puts to rest any doubts on the validity of what I'm saying.
This ending could be filled with funny little jokes about how bad these shorts suck, but I've said my piece. Please stop wearing plaid shorts, I'm actually begging you. They need to be something that we look back on and say, "Oh my god, do you remember when we all used to wear those stupid plaid shorts all the time?" NOT "Oh my god, do you remember when we all used to wear those stupid plaid shorts all the time that I still wear to this day and am actually wearing right now?"

Plaid shorts...Never again.

NOTE: After posting this article to my facebook page, my cousin commented and asked if he could wear these on the golf course. You can 100% absolutely wear them on the golf course, because they fit in with golf attire. I know that all the golf wear brands still make plaid shorts that are sold to be worn on the golf course, and, after a little googling, I saw a lot of golf outfits that looked good with more subtle versions of plaid shorts. If you golf, you wear the heck out of your plaid shorts while you're playing. Just don't wear the same shorts out to the bar later that night!