Monday, September 3, 2012

Never Again: Cargo Shorts


We all used to wear them. They were popular back when we were in junior high and even in high school. But honestly, as a college senior, I should not be seeing some of my friends wearing them. These were cool back in the day when we thought that Hollister was the new Jesus and Abercrombie was our Burberry. I'll admit, I rocked them in the beginning of freshman year of college, but then I started to mature, and I realized my clothes needed to mature, also.

Yes, you might want to whip out these babies when you don't have anything to wear, but here are 3 reasons to donate them instead.

1. They're too bulky and baggy. When we were younger and cargo shorts were the shit, a lot of us were still stuck in our AND1 and SouthPole days, where we thought to look good we had to wear baggy clothes. Nelly wore baggy clothes, so why shouldn't I? Today is much different. Even rappers are wearing skinny jeans, and all that extra pocket fabric on the sides does nothing for your body shape. And you know that you never even put anything in those random extra pockets anyway.

2. No one thinks they're attractive.  No matter who you're trying to impress, they are not going to fall for you because they just couldn't resist the ridiculous amount of canvas covering your crotch and legs. They simply do nothing to accentuate virtually anything on a person's body. And no, a girl is not going to believe you when you tell her that you need all that extra pocket space to hold your Magnum XL condoms.

3. They're for kids. Think of all the stores that carry (do they even still sell these in stores?) cargo shorts. American Eagle, Hollister, Abercrombie, and Aeropostale, just to name a few. It's not a secret that these stores are marketing to kids that are still in junior high school. Why don't you ever see a nice pair of cargo shorts in H&M? It's because H&M knows that the people shopping in their stores have gotten over that phase. They know (and pray) that people in their 20's aren't deeming cargo shorts a must have for the next season.

Well there you go. Three extremely valid reasons to light anyone on fire who is caught wearing a pair of these canvas wonders. Cargo shorts...never again.